La Mia Amina
by Nasty Nikolo
Summary: "Bonnie just tell me." He said sensing her uneasiness "I-…" she was interrupted by the loud ringing of his phone. Elena's name flashed across the screen. "Hold on let me take this." He said getting out of the bed. She could only hear his side of the conversation but got the jest of it. Whenever Elena called , he came running. Bamon Angst
1. Chapter 1

AU: This doesn't follow all of the events in Vampire Diaries, I have used some and twisted it to fit the story that popped in my head. I hope you enjoy it regardless.

**_Bonnies POV_**

She knew since the 60s retro dance. She could still remember the way his body felt pressed up against her, solid and hot, the memory alone was enough to make her clench her legs close. The way his Armani cologne hovered around her, blurring any sense of reality and reason. How his lips pulled into a slight smile instead of the usual smirk that he showed everyone else. Then he saw Elena and the moment was ruined. Everybody thought that Caroline was the first of the three that Damon slept with but it wasn't true, him and Bonnie shared something long before he ever saw Caroline or Elena.

Tears cascaded down her face as she thought back to all of the times he blew her off because he thought he was in love with Elena when really he was only in love with the fact that she looked like Katherine. Katherine, she hated that bitch too. She was Damon's first love, and they say that your first love is always the hardest to shake. With Elena he felt like he had a chance that he never did with Katherine and it was his fresh start.

Knocking back two pills and a cup of water she had poured, she could feel his presence behind her. She knew he could feel the emotions coming off her in wave lengths and did nothing to conceal it. He could smell her salty tears but didn't say anything.

******_You're everything I thought you never were_**

**_And nothing like I thought you could have been_**

**_But still you live inside of me,_**

**_So tell me how is that?_**

She often put up this front like she hated him, because it was easier to say you hate someone than it was to admit that you loved them. He never told her how he felt about her, but he had his ways of showing her. Like how he brought her back to life when everybody else gave up hope, or when he stayed on the island to find her. It was the way he looked at her in those moments that she just knew. She also knew he would probably never act on the feelings that he felt for her as long as Elena was a potential option.

He was a part of her, he filled a gap in her heart that was left my parents who abandon her. He held a spot that not even Jeremy could fill not matter how much she wanted him to able. Truthfully the only reason she got together with Jeremey was because of a kiss that Elena and Damon shared. Seeing how much emotion Damon put into it, how much he really wanted to love her, almost broke Bonnie's heart.

**_You're the only one I wish I could forget_**

**_The only one I love to not forgive_**

**_And though you break my heart,_**

**_You're the only one_**

She couldn't love anybody else, at least not in the way she loved him. She sacrificed a lot to ensure his happiness without him even knowing what it was doing to her inside. She was willing to release Katherine from her tomb for him and in the process she lost her Grams. The person he ran to wasn't her, he didn't try to comfort her or even apologize.

She often found herself doubting him, the way he didn't care if she got hurt, as long as Elena was okay he was fine. But that didn't stop him from making his way into her bed. It wasn't always rough sex, he could be slow and sweet if he wanted but those times were far and few in between. She always felt used after, like she wasn't good enough.

**_And though there are times when I hate you_**

**_'Cause I can't erase_**

**_The times that you hurt me and put tears on my face_**

**_And even now, while I hate you,_**

**_It pains me to say_**

**_I know I'll be there at the end of the day_**

He sought her out more often as time went on. He would vent about his brother and how he got everything practically handed to him. His favorite argument was Stefan didn't deserve Elena because he stole Katherine. It was times like this when Bonnie would have to practice her poker face, like it didn't hurt to hear him talk about how amazing some other girl was. She would hate him, say quick little remarks that she knew would be like pouring salt on an open wound. But she still would be there the next time he needed to vent. Only when she was alone would she let the mask fall, and the tears break free.

**_I don't wanna be without you, babe_**

**_I don't want a broken heart_**

**_Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe_**

**_I don't wanna play that part_**

**_I know that I love you, but let me just say_**

**_I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no_**

**_I don't want a broken heart_**

**_I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl_**

**_No, no, no broken-hearted girl_**

**_I'm no broken-hearted girl_**

It was hard putting up a front like nothing affected her, like she could be strong like her Grams. Deep down, she knew that Damon Salvatore would always be her down fall. He was her forbidden fruit. The fact that she couldn't have him, at least all of him, only seemed to fuel her want for him.

**_There's something that I feel I need to say_**

**_But up til' now I've always been afraid_**

**_That you would never come around_**

**_And still I wanna put this out_**

**_You say you've got the most respect for me_**

**_But, sometimes I feel you're not deserving of me_**

**_And still, you're in my heart_**

**_But you're the only one_**

There was one time where she felt brave enough to tell him how she felt , regardless of the consquences she felt this overwhelming need to get it off her chest.

_Flashback: 2 and a half months ago_

_It was one of those rare times where Damon took it slow with her. He took his time taking off her clothes , almost like he was unwrapping a present. He cherished her body and when they were finished he held her close to his chest and he muttered "La mia anima". He was tracing a random pattern across her bare back when she broke the silence._

_"__Damon, I need to tell you something…"she whispered softly._

_"__Go on then Bon." He gently nudged her._

_"__I just want to tell you , I don't expect anything after either….." she continued _

_"__Bonnie just tell me." He said sensing her uneasiness _

_"__I-…" she was interrupted by the loud ringing of his phone. Elena's name flashed across the screen._

_"__Hold on let me take this." He said getting out of the bed. She could only hear his side of the conversation but got the jest of it. Whenever Elena called , he came running._

_"__Alright, let me just shower and I'll be down there." He said before hanging up._

_That was the one thing that hurt her the most. Ever since Elena became a vampire, whenever they were finished he made sure to wash off any parts that she left behind. It was like she was his dirty secret and she didn't know how she could allow herself to be put in this situation. After he left, she finally broke down and sobbed. It took her nearly three days before she could even face her friends._

**_And yes, there are times when I hate you,_**

**_But I don't complain_**

**_'Cause I've been afraid that you would walk away_**

**_Oh, but now I don't hate you_**

**_I'm happy to say_**

**_That I will be there at the end of the day_**

**_I don't wanna be without you, babe_**

**_I don't want a broken heart_**

**_Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe_**

**_I don't wanna play that part_**

**_I know that I love you, but let me just say_**

**_I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no_**

**_I don't want a broken heart_**

**_I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl_**

**_No, no, no broken-hearted girl_**

**_Damon POV_**

It was so easy to pretend to love Elena, than to admit his feelings for the town's favorite witch. At least pretending to love Elena he would never end up hurt. Hell it took him nearly 100 years to get over Katherine, and when he did he felt nothing but disgust for her. Watching Bonnie now nearly broke his heart. They were both hurting because they were too stubborn to admit their feelings for one another. He couldn't be the one to say I love you first because he would be opening himself up to being rejected. Bonnie deserved so much more than him and he was so afraid that she would wake up and realize it.

**_Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now_**

**_Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same_**

**_When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down_**

**_'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name._**

Sarcasm with his defense mechanism. It was easy to say something witty and hurtful than it was to express what exactly was on his mind. Bonnie. She was all he ever thought about, he could sleep without seeing her before he closed his eyes. Those nights where they didn't share a bed were the hardest for him. It seems like he was swimming in sheets that she was normally hog, or there was all this unnecessary space that she would occupy. He hated hearing about her and Jeremy, it was like everyone was rubbing it in his face that he could have her but Damon couldn't.

**_It all just sounds like oooooh…_**

**_Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize_**

**_That I should've bought you flowers_**

**_And held your hand_**

**_Should've gave you all my hours_**

**_When I had the chance_**

**_Take you to every party_**

**_'Cause all you wanted to do was dance_**

**_Now my baby's dancing_**

**_But she's dancing with another man_**

By the time he had realized his feelings for her, she was already with Baby Gilbert. He wanted more than anything for her to be happy even if it wasn't with him. He never said anything about their relationship and even tried to distance himself from her to make it easier on both of them but love has a way of dragging you kicking and screaming.

**_My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways_**

**_Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life_**

**_Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…_**

**_And it haunts me every time I close my eyes_**

**_It all just sounds like oooooh…_**

**_Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize_**

**_That I should've bought you flowers_**

**_And held your hand_**

**_Should've gave you all my hours_**

**_When I had the chance_**

**_Take you to every party_**

**_'Cause all you wanted to do was dance_**

**_Now my baby's dancing_**

**_But she's dancing with another man_**

He shouldn't have been a coward, and he wouldn't be feeling like this. Watching them joke around, go to parties and dance physically broke him down, and now he was feeling what he tried so hard to avoid. Heart break. He could only hope that Jeremy could be the man that Bonnie need. Gilbert was a good kid, who has had life treat him almost as bad Bonnie. Maybe they could both heal each other… the thought alone was enough for him to drink a whole bottle of bourbon.

Although it hurts

**_I'll be the first to say that I was wrong_**

**_Oh, I know I'm probably much too late_**

**_To try and apologize for my mistakes_**

**_But I just want you to know_**

**_I hope he buys you flowers_**

**_I hope he holds your hand_**

**_Give you all his hours_**

**_When he has the chance_**

**_Take you to every party_**

**_'Cause I remember how much you loved to dance_**

**_Do all the things I should have done_**

**_When I was your man_**

**_Do all the things I should have done_**

**_When I was your man_**

Yet here she stood in his living room, with a tear streaked face but there was something else off about her.

"Bon, what's wrong?" H asked stepping towards her.

"We broke up…Me and Jeremy." She spoke swiping at the tears that were still falling down her face.

"What? Why? I thought everything was going good?" Damon was shocked but he was also slightly happy that she was no longer in a relationship.

"I-I'm pregnant." She finally told him and a new wave of tear flooded down his face. Damon immediately tensed, and a million thoughts coursed through his body but they all ended with him draining Baby Gilbert dry.

"SO, he broke up with you after knocking you up?!" Damon asked slipping on his boots ready for her to confirm it so he could go kill Jeremy. Bonnie looked down at her feet and started sobbing.

"Hey calm down, it's gonna be okay." Damon said bringing her into a hug.

"No its not… it's not-it's not his baby." Bonnie said gasping for air in between her sobs.

"Then whose is it Bon Bon?" Damon asked wrapping his arms around her a bit tighter. Had he lost her to a different man?

"It's yours….." She whispered and he immediately let her go.

"Damon you're the only guy I've been with!" She tried to explain to him.

"SHHUSHH!" he hushed her and she stopped what she was about to say. He then took two fingers and started a weird thumping on her arm, it was like quick double taps.

"I knew there was something different." He whispered in awe.

"What are you doing?" She questioned wiping her face.

"It's the heart beat." He answered looking her intently into her eye. Slowly he brought her into a mind shattering kiss.

"No Damon! What about Elena?" Bonnie started to protest, she was too vulnerable right now to be hurt by him.

"Elena was an escape, a way for me to try and not love you but it didn't work. You're _La mia anima" _he explained tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"What does that mean?" She asked softly

"Your my soul, you have my heart, I can't give it to anybody else." He explained and it was Bonnie's turn to kiss him.

**_Now I'm at a place I thought I'd never be, ooh_**

**_I'm living in a world that's all about you and me, yeah_**

**_Ain't gotta be afraid, my broken heart is free_**

**_To spread my wings and fly away, away with you..., yeah, yeah, yeah_**

**_I don't wanna be without my baby_**

**_I don't want a broken heart_**

**_Don't wanna take a breath without my baby_**

**_I don't wanna play that part_**

**_I know that I love you, but let me just say_**

**_I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no_**

**_I don't want a broken heart_**

**_I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl_**

**_No, no, no broken-hearted girl_**

**_Broken-hearted girl_**

**_No, no, no broken-hearted girl_**

**_No broken-hearted girl_**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: So I have decided that this story is just going to be a one-shot. It was my way of testing the waters and seeing if you guys liked my style of writing. However I did tell someone I had chapters ready for this story, but I have decided to make it into a separate story called_ Mi Appartieni. _The story will follow the story line such as this but with much more detail. It is not going to be exactly the same because I have some new and different ideas for this story but I am interested to see how you like it. Thank you so much for the reviews and the support and check out the new story =)


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